Just a Dream
by criesofthefallen
Summary: HPxWinter Soldier. Slash. So much has changed since New York and Steve isn't sure he knows what's right anymore. He just wants to know what he should fight for. Spoilers for Winter Soldier. One-shot.


Captain America/Harry Potter crossover, AU.

Oh my God, I just got back from watching Captain America: Winter Soldier and I have so. Many. Feels. Gahhh I am so happy with how the movie came out and I can't even explain so I decided to write instead. I swear I was watching the movie and all of a sudden I just knew what I wanted to write. Cheers!

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize and everything you don't.

Warnings: Slash being the main one. Some mentions of kisses and mentions of sex but nothing graphic.

Note: This is a one-shot that takes place in the 'Taking Chances' universe. It will be long and AU. Please don't PM with all the things I did wrong and tell me how X and Y wouldn't act this way or that, this is a piece of fanfiction and a clearly stated AU, meaning you should expect to see differences. Oh, and I'm making the events here happen two years after the Avengers film. That is all!

Enjoy.

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Just a Dream

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The rescue mission turned intelligence gathering was one more in a long line of reasons why Steve was beginning to reconsider his options.

The problem with reconsidering his options was, he didn't seem to have any beyond doing this, taking missions, working for S.H.I.E.L.D. He was just so tired of the endless violence and loss of life, not even knowing if what he was fighting for was the right thing.

The things that Hydra had done had clearly been wrong and he had done all he could, not at all times moral, to put an end to it. The experiments and the concentration camps would haunt him to his dying day. Before he had woken from his icy grave, he had known who he was and what his purpose was.

Now, there was just uncertainty. He was alone and he had no one to blame but himself.

It had been two years since the events of New York and dealing with Loki.

He had been so happy then, so alive and filled with purpose. More than that, he had someone who loved him and cherished him more than anything. He could honestly say he felt the same in every way.

Steve had been blissfully happy and he had his green eyed love to thank for that.

Everything was perfect.

And then it wasn't.

He could still remember seeing it yet being unable to stop it. If he had just moved a little faster, if he had just taken less time talking to the vendor who he'd remembered from his time, from that time before.

He could and had moved on, trying to adapt to this time and place. He had a lover and friends he cared for. And in only an instant it all came crashing down.

There was nothing he could do but watch as Harry fell, the ringing of a shot in his ears, and sounding louder than it should have in spite of the chaos it had caused.

He had frozen, shocked, for what seemed like an eternity and then he was at his side. But it was too late. Harry had been shot in the heart and he had died instantly.

He had clutched him to his chest, his green eyed lover, his beautiful eyes glazed over in death.

He didn't look fearful, just surprised. As if he hadn't seen this coming. He probably hadn't.

The days since then had been dark and dull, filled with a silence that clung to his soul and refused to let go. He couldn't stand to stay in the apartment they had shared, couldn't stand to take the same routes he had before. He had to leave, he had to get out.

The only reason he had stayed in New York after what happened was because he had clung to the hope that Harry would come back. He was the Master of Death, Steve knew this and was certain it would mean he would come back.

Months of waiting and nothing, nothing at all to so much as hint that his little love was coming back to him.

With a keening wail, he had fallen to his knees and pounded on the floor until only ruble remained beneath his hands. He'd collapsed and cried as the heavens opened up to cry with him.

He would have lain there forever if only she had allowed it.

Kira had dragged him back into her apartment, understanding how hard it was for him to enter the apartment he had shared with—with him.

Since that day, Steve had decided that he needed to leave. He made plans and preparations; I mean it wasn't as if anyone still wanted him around.

The fragile friendship that had begun to build with Tony had all but burned to ashes.

Tony made very few friends, he had even fewer close friends, and only one best friend who had seen through all his bullshit and clawed his way into his heart. Harry had expected nothing from Tony but his friendship and Tony had treasured Harry for this.

The bond they had, had at one point made him jealous but he had realized that what they had was like, like Bucky and him. It was a bond between soul brothers.

Steve could have easily stopped Tony when he launched himself at him. He could have fought back and landed some punches of his own but he didn't. He just lay there and took his punishment.

Losing Harry hadn't been enough, he had begun to feel numb, so, so numb and Tony's fists had made him feel pain again. Steve needed to feel pain. He needed to be punished for failing to protect the only thing that truly mattered.

After saving so many lives, Steve had failed to save the one of the man he loved.

If he had been lost and broken before, Steve was dead inside now.

He went through the motions, never really feeling anything. Stark, as he demanded he be called now, wanted him as far away as possible so Fury had assigned them to different missions.

Steve actually preferred it that way.

It hurt more than he cared to admit, seeing the accusation in those brown eyes. Steve had never really experienced this kind of pain before, only once maybe with Bucky but not like this.

It was like he was an empty shell and nothing really mattered anymore.

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S.H.I.E.L.D allowed him to transfer back to Washington. Steve had told Fury he was ready to go back to work and he was.

The apartment he had requested to be anything but a certain layout and he had options to choose from.

In the end, he was drawn to a spacious apartment not to far from S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and began to move himself in. He met the neighbor and flinched away from the obvious interest in her eyes.

There was only one person he wanted interest from and, well there was nothing more to say about that.

The days moved quickly, always filled with missions or some mind numbing exercise to keep him from remembering what he lost.

Most days it worked and when it didn't, he dreamt of warm eyes the color of emeralds, a kind smile, and a laugh like bells. Harry would scowl and smack him on the head for waxing poetic. Then he'd smile mischievously and wind his arms around him, looking up from beneath his lashes, heat in his eyes making him pull him closer, embracing him in his arms as he buried his nose in his neck, his lips—no, no, no.

He was getting better. He could spend most days ignoring the phantom of his lover and the shadows in this new place. Not home, never home, not without him.

Steve's eyes clouded as he closed his eyes and ignored the voice that tore at his heart and haunted his dreams, willing his phantom away. No matter what he did, it seemed his green eyes would always be with him.

Steve missed his lover dearly, but he was a religious man and wanted his lover to find peace and finally be at rest from all that haunted him.

Steve wasn't enough of a coward to take his own life, hadn't so much as considered it before—he would not dishonor his love in such a way. He wanted to join his lover but he would live until death came knocking on his door, its Master standing right beside him.

And if Steve took a few more risks then normal, well there were hazards to the job.

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The mission was to save the hostages and Steve set aside his dark thoughts, pushing away the pain last night's dream had brought him.

He had run and run until he just couldn't anymore. Oh, he could physically keep going but his dreams had drained him of energy and he just couldn't.

He had made a new friend, or perhaps acquaintance as it was in this new world, before he had been called away.

He issued out orders and waited for his cue as he tried to ignore Natasha's meddling. It had been almost two years and not long after he had moved to Washington, had Natasha began to try and set him up.

He had rebuffed her loudly and almost violently at first, until he realized it was both futile and she did it because she cared.

At least she was smart enough to suggest he date another woman instead of replacing him.

Now, now he just played along and pretended the thought of seeing someone else didn't tear him apart. A part of him still clung to the hope that he would return to him. He was happy enough to wait until he could hold him again, whether it be in this life or the next.

As always, Natasha's meddling made him a little more vicious than he normally would be and it was no time until they took back the carrier. The hostages made it out safely and he went back to headquarters.

He understood where Fury came from but he could not abide by his reasoning.

Even after he was shown Project Insight, Steve remained of the same mind. All he could think of was the potential for this to go bad, for someone who shouldn't to take the technology offered and use it for evil instead.

Of course, Fury hadn't learned his lesson with the Tesseract and so had done something foolish again. Would they never learn?

They were messing with things they had no right to and Steve wasn't so sure he wanted to be a part of this anymore.

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Steve was right, after everything that had happened with the Tesseract and Loki they should have known. Instead, just at the end of what they had done, S.H.I.E.L.D. had once again meddled where they shouldn't.

Now, they had sixteen hours to stop the helipads from launching and millions from dying.

The only silver lining was the fact that they had agreed to take down Hydra _and_ S.H.I.E.L.D. It was time they stopped trying to play god.

Steve refused to acknowledge what seeing Bucky had done to him.

He was plagued by the memories that didn't seem all that far gone to him. He remembered specifically the day he had buried his mother with Bucky's enduring support once he'd returned home.

He had insisted that he would be all right, that he could make it on his own but no. "I'm with you 'til the end of the line." Blue eyes held nothing but truth, warmth, and a brotherly love that had made the events of the day seem a little less painful.

If nothing else he had always had Bucky. In spite of everything, even losing his little love, Steve knew that he had had the enduring and unwavering love of his brother and his lover.

Now, he had a little less to cling to than he had that morning.

It made a few more pieces of his heart shatter into a million pieces. Soon, there would be nothing left to break.

He shook it off and concentrated on what was important now, saving lives.

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"But Steve!"

"Just do it." Steve said tiredly.

He was just so tired. Everything he had ever wanted to do he had done.

He had endured losing everything he had every known and loved, and had been rewarded with his soul mate. And then he had lost him.

What was left? He chuckled bitterly as he looked down where his once brother lay, trapped beneath steel. No one, he was completely and absolutely alone.

It was done. Everyone was safe. He told himself this was not giving up, that there was no time and the safety of millions came before his own.

He closed his eyes, tired and defeated. _"No, love. Never defeated."_

Steve's eyes snapped open and he looked around desperately, shivering as he felt phantom hands caress his face. He stared in front of him and saw nothing. "Please, Harry, _please come back to me._" He wanted to sob but felt warmth fill him for the first time in years.

He gasped as he met phantom green eyes and saw his lovers sad smile, _"Please, don't give up yet."_ He reached out desperately and was met with thin air. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart.

He had never been able to deny his little one anything.

When blue eyes opened once more, he steeled himself and made his way down. What more could he do but try?

"I won't fight you." He didn't. Steve just let the man who wore the face of his brother but carried not his heart or soul beat him to the floor. Really, it wasn't like he was doing anything he hadn't done to himself in the last few years.

"I'm with you 'til the end of the line." He uttered before he fell.

He closed his eyes and felt the impact through his whole body as his back met the water. It was like tiredness had settled deep into his very bones. All he wanted, was to sleep.

_Open, your eyes love._

_Steve lazily opened his eyes and smiled up at his green eyed lover. He pulled him down into a kiss that left them both breathless. Arms slid to wrap around warm, tan skin._

_He drew lazy circles on his lover's back and pulled him down, until their bodies lined up perfectly._

_Steve drew back and held his lover close. "Hmmm, I say we call them and tell them there's been a change of plans." Harry laughed and placed his hands on his chest, face atop his linked hands._

"_Funny, we have to celebrate today!"_

_Steve rolled his eyes and groaned, "I'm turning 93! There's nothing all that special to celebrate. Besides, I'd rather spend the day with you wrapped in my arms." Harry blushed beautifully and kissed him softly. "Among other things, of course." He said voice turning husky as he nibbled on those delectable lips._

_Harry pulled away with a dazed look on his face, humming in content. "Maybe once the guests leave!" He said as he left the bed, deftly dancing away from grasping hands._

_Steve huffed and fell back against the bed, "They haven't even arrived yet! And since it's my birthday, shouldn't I get what I want." All he could hear was laughter and then the sound of the shower turning on._

_Perking up, Steve almost fell on his face in his rush to answer his lover's call. "Care to join me, darling?" He would never tell._

_As he slipped inside the shower stall, Steve marveled at all the things he had been blessed with. He couldn't imagine being happier than in this moment with him, soon, he might even be able to call him—_

_Come on love, hold on just a little bit longer. That's it!_

Steve groaned helplessly and squinted his eyes against the blinding sun. Green eyes looked at him lovingly and lips grazed his own. _Help is on the way._ He tried to reach out but fell into darkness instead. He needed to reach out and tell him, he just needed to say—

_Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me again._

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He moved a little and saw Wilson on his right, "On your left." Sam just laughed.

He grimaced as he moved around and took inventory of the damage. He would live.

He closed his eyes to stem the tears that tried to fall.

It was a hallucination. It was nothing but a dream.

Through all the doctors and briefings, and Natasha's attempts at humor and meddling, Steve repeated the same mantra in his head.

_It was only just a dream._

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The end.

Hope you guys enjoyed that and I loved writing it. I might rewrite it later and try to pack in more emotion but I am just too excited right now, I guess. Any who, review and tell me what you thought about this piece! (Fixed what spelling/grammar mistakes I could find but let me know if I missed anything).

Much love,

CriesoftheFallen


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